Sunday, 30 August 2009

Random acts of genius

We're having the Vegetarians over for dinner tonight. What do you give people who won't eat most of the things you like yourselves? I know, fruit salad. Dead easy, buy fruit (nice fruit), chop it up, add some more juice if necessary. And, most important of course, good-quality liquor. I was reaching for the rum bottle (Lamb's Navy, none of that pointless white stuff) when insight hit.

A couple of years ago I made sloe gin. It was, and is, undrinkable, with a pH of about 1, so that after stripping the enamel from your teeth it burns a hole in your stomach. But it is god's gift to a fruit salad. More precisely, half a bottle of it is. My gift, rather, because I am fucking brilliant.

13 comments:

Gadjo Dilo said...

"What do you give people who won't eat most of the things you like yourselves?" The things you like yourselves disguised as the things they like. You do the Quorn thing in reverse: lumps of steak fashion into lentil rissoles and topped with a nut sauce to hide the meaty flavour. Well done on the fruit salad, though :-)

Scarlet-Blue said...

I have a recipe for Damson Gin. It involves 1 gallon of Gin and 1 gallon of well-picked damsons, with their skins well pricked. Add 2lbs of candy sugar and put into a large bottle. Shake twice a day for 6 weeks, strain and bottle and cork tightly.
That should keep you going. As for the vegetarians - let them eat cake... or egg and chunky chips.
Sx

Kevin Musgrove said...

I usually find the vegetarians are easier to cater for than the meat-eaters. They're usually so surprised that you can be arsed to bother that they're not too finicky about the details.

Lulu LaBonne said...

Do you serve out the fruit salad for everyone and just add a steak to yours?

inkspot said...

Gadj, that's pretty advanced retaliation. I like it.

Scarlet, the important question is: how horrible is the result? Recipes never tell you that.

Kevin, they were grateful for the gin too.

Lulu, I see your point, they didn't only get fruit salad, they got salad salad too, if you see what I mean. We didn't have steak ourselves, maybe next time.

Anonymous said...

Let them eat roadkill.

It's good enough for Pete Singer

Joey Polanski said...

Got a lawn?

Let em graze.

inkspot said...

The trouble is nurse, there'd be so much whining (= whingeing).

Joey, welcome to the crack team at Precision Handling. It's ruthlessness like yours that has made this blog what it is, a specialized interest.

Atlas Cerise said...

Joey. Of course they got a lawn. Why else would Inkspot invite the Vegetarians over if they weren't, like, friends or something.

Gyppo Byard said...

My German friends make their own spiced elderberry vodka. Very smooth. The vodka is a new departure though - apparently the old family recipe involves surgical alcohol bought from the nearest apothek...

My sister is a vegetarian, and sometimes used to serve dinners that consisted exclusively of huge desserts. Massive chocolate fondue was a favourite.

inkspot said...

Thanks Atlas, glad someone can see that Precision Handling is a class outfit.

Gyppo, your sister's approach to pudding is the right one. Why only "used to" though?

Gadjo Dilo said...

Inky, you probably don't do this sort of nonsense, but I've memed you on my blog.

Gyppo Byard said...

Inky - 'used to' because she then had kids and had to pretend to be serious about balanced diets and nutrition and so on.

Wordver - Modin: The French graphic designer responsible for the fish-tailed parka.