Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Eat your heart out Jacques Cousteau

Last night I went swimming with whales. As one went by I squirted mustard in its ear. That made the whale thrash around a whole lot and I woke up at 4-30 in a Bristol hotel room.

Bastard whale, now I'm going to be useless at work today.

Oh btw Freudians, it was mustard, it was yellow.


Gyppo Byard said...

It could have been worse. You could have dreamed of swimming with a Welsh... (leaves feedline for gag involving Charlotte Church hanging invitingly in the air)

Lulu LaBonne said...

When you woke up to all that thrashing - was it a mermaid after all?

That's what happens when you choose a hotel so close to the water.

inkspot said...

Christ Gyppo, that pun was awful, you should carry a warning light. Plus it's taken me till now to get it you swine.

Lulu I'm shocked, I'm a gentleman, I'd never squirt mustard in a mermaid's ear, I can't believe it's an erotic condiment. Do you mean that the Bristol waterfront is a little louche? Not next to Old Market, where I usually stay, an area riddled with the most blush-making establishments.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Whale, mustard, Bristol..... you're suffering from a well-documented and yet almost incurable syndrome, Inky. Only I can help you. Send £50 to the usual address to receive your first set of therapy instructions.

Anonymous said...

I'm predicting a bad case of the runs around 4:00 pm

inkspot said...

Gadj, thank you! But don't cure me of mermaids. Oh, hang on, damn; i've left my wallet in my other trousers.

Nurse, at 4 pm I was sound asleep, during a presentation so beautifully narcoleptic that I recall nothing about it.