Saturday, 27 February 2010

King's Lynn

Urgent text: "Dad can i get my cartilidge pierced, ada's mum is taking her."

No you can't. Not until you can spell cartilage anyway. That held her up for 5 seconds, thanks internet, love-15, god you're rubbish at this Inkspot, ffs raise your game. I phone Ada's mum, who is certainly not taking Ada anywhere near a piercing parlour, Ada's been grounded for various teenage-type infractions. 15-all, that's better, I might even break her serve. My real objection is that the idea nauseates me, who cares about that.

"Right i'll get pregnant and do drugs so you'll have a spastic baby to raise. And then i'll get its tongue and belly-button pierced."

Christ it's a bit early for the nuclear option isn't it? 15-30 anyway. So I find internet sources saying how painful it is. There are even more sources saying it's a doddle, 15-40. So no you can't because I say you can't and it's illegal without parental permission until you're 16.

"Right i'll go to kings lynn and get it done illegally, you can get anything illegal in kings lynn."

Game over. But what is this with King's Lynn? It's a completely harmless small port on the east coast of England, miles from anywhere, too dull even for Eliot to write a poem about. How did it get this louche reputation?


Gadjo Dilo said...

Spastic babies to order?? Strewth. When I was a lad it was never any more than nicking one of your mate's dad's cigarettes. And nobody was called Ada. But I digress. Maybe King's Lynn is one of those polarised places that harbours both quaintness and unemployment.

Lulu LaBonne said...

I hear that sending children away to boarding school sorts them out.

I was wooed by a boy from Kings Lynn once - I quite fancied him until he sent me an illiterate love letter.

inkspot said...

Gadj, maybe KL is polarised. But does my daughter know?

Watch out Lulu, looks like prime parent-annoying boyfriend material

Kevin Musgrove said...

"Miles from anywhere," that's the clue Inky. Let's face it: anywhere that's remote by East Anglian standards could harbour all and any sin known to man and we'd be none the wiser.

Tell her that she can't have the piercing because you've noticed that David Cameron's just had one and he looks a right tit with it.

BEAST said...

Inky , you wimp . You place harsh financial restrictions till the blighter gets the jist of who's boss . KL is in East Angular isnt it so its bound to be dodgy !

nursemyra said...

you should hire yourself out to other wimpier parents Inky. show them the finer points of parenting tennis

inkspot said...

Kevin, she's too young to know about DC. I'd have to explain the Bullingdon Club to her.

Beast, with Kevin you have spotted the East Anglia angle. I suppose if two of you say it, it must be true.

Nurse, what should my pricing structure be?

nursemyra said...

I'd advise charging in units of alcohol