Saturday, 6 February 2010
Special needs
Last week I had an appointment with Arry ("with a haitch") at the gym. He's a strength and conditioning coach; these words have not been part of my life so far. What I was doing on the not-a-bike is irrelevant to Arry who has given me horrible things to do which are as horrible now as they were at the start. I think I hate Arry and want to kill him, only he's a nice guy and Hayley (with the profile and engagement ring) might not like it and I don't want to upset her. So I'll just swipe feebly at his ankles as I try to get up off the floor. The worst thing is the realization that if Arry and Hayley are professors of gym then I am in year 3 (= 2nd grade) and sat at the special needs table. On the other hand I've put on weight so at least I can say to Arry, look how useless your fucking gym is, I'm even fatter than when I started.
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9 comments:
I did warn you that going to the gym would make you hungry.
Arry's so 'orrible 'e makes me cry
All I can do is eat more pie
Yes send pie soonest Lulu. I saw Arry again today and he's given me even more horrible things to do. He wrote them on a list and made me put the list in my pocket so I have no excuse for forgetting. Fuckety fuckety fuck.
Inky , I feel your pain , I used to train with Aidy , who was so evil he actually made me throw up in the car park on one occasion....Its not a good look.Keep at it , come the summer you will kicking sand in the faces of lesser mortals as you strut on the beach
Inky, the weight you've put on is muscle, and as any fule kno muscle is heavier than fat. (It's the oldest line in the weightwatcher's book, but Arry might still go for it).
I thought using Pantene Hair Products was enough to give me strength and conditioning
Nurse you've been suckered by the marketing people, Pantene is spray-on underwear and I'd rush to any gym where it's popular.
Beast must I strut my stuff, can't I just waddle it?
Gadj, oldest line? Oldest lie I fear.
I joined a gym around this time last year and hated every minute of it, ESPECIALLY the changing rooms. I couldn't do anything that involved moving my head about quickly, because of vertigo, so that was group sessions out. Couldn't flex arms because I was still suffering from ripped biceps after moving house on the cheap, so that was weight training out. Which left me with step machine (so horrible I only did it once), bike, cross trainer and walking. Then I realized I could do all of those last things by walking across the park on my way to work and home again, for free. Which of course I don't. But the clinching moment was when I sat up after tying my shoelaces and found myself face to face with a Brazilian. And I do not mean a buff bloke called Jorge. Life's too short. I've now given up looking in mirrors.
Daphne I don't have a changing room problem, there isn't one. Room I mean. How disgusting you say. Yes but I shower at work which is differently disgusting, details omitted.
If you don't like Brazilians try lasering.
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